I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
