he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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