First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
