we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
