i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
