you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
