dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
