Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
