his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
