I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
