U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
well you can't waste a boner
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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