3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
