You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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