i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize