I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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