Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
