the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
