I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
