dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've blown a few things in my day
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
