hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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