sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
