You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
