did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
