his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She told me I should be a condom model.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
