His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
