Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
