I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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