Betty ford says i'm here all night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
