I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
