I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
