you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
