I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
