I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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