You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
