She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
