Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
