people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
