I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
