I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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