he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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