Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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