marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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