I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
