i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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