Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I could fuck to npr.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize