So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize