What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
