my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
