i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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