Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
