Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
