Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i want to swaddle you in tequila
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
