i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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