In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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