What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
