I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
