I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
