the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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