is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
