I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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