Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
