I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
