I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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