Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
