I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
