Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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