And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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