____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize