no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She's JV to your varsity
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
