My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
